We’ve all done it before whether we want to admit it or not – people pleasing. Likely it comes from a deep primitive yearning for survival; after all, if you weren’t seen as part of the pack, you didn’t belong to the community and that meant you needed to fend for yourself – food, shelter, love, and all.
However, when we cultivate our own intrinsic worth there’s no need to people please because we already know what we like, don’t like, and what our boundaries are. Suddenly agreeing to something you don’t want to do, or feeling the need to apologize all the time falls out the window.
So, what are the signs of people pleasing?
- You spend a lot of time thinking about someone else
- How much you spend your time thinking about what to say, do, act, or even wear before meeting this person (or group of people) is an early warning sign of people pleasing. Ask yourself, what is the underlying need for all this attention toward someone else’s acceptance? What does this mean if I don’t get “it” right?
- Your feelings are hurt when someone ignores you or doesn’t show affection toward you
- It’s impossible for everyone to like you because everyone is worried about their own selves! Ask yourself why you get hurt when people don’t respond or react the way you want them to. What would it mean if someone didn’t like you? Often there’s a deeper limiting belief behind the negative emotion.
- You say yes to things you don’t want to do
- Unfortunately when you continue to say yes to the things that don’t align with who you are or your deeper values, you end up in a puddle of resentment. Ask yourself what it means every time you say yes. What would you gain by saying yes? What would it mean if you said no?
The bottom line is: it’s impossible for everyone to like you, so why not start with YOU?
Ask yourself the questions under each of the headers above and answer truthfully. You will find it all comes down to rejection, fear, and the need to feel accepted.
But what if you could give the very thing you need to yourself instead of looking for it outside of you?
Once you realize there’s a shorter, more pain free way to acceptance, you will begin to live a life full of freedom and choice. Oh, and a lot more time 😉
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
