Ego Archives - Susan Choi

Friday Focus – 6/15/18 {How To Get Perspective Immediately}

Now that you know how Thought Management works at a high level and you understand just how powerful our brains are, you need to put it all into practice. This means getting to know your inner world – A LOT.

Understanding your bodily reactions to emotions
Fully feeling a feeling all the way through (approximately 90 seconds)
Noticing every thought
Restructuring non-serving thoughts

Warning: there will be those times when a situation seems extra sticky.

One way to gain perspective immediately when a certain situation is tough is to state out loud: “This thoughts is challenging”.

First, by speaking it out loud we aren’t creating a running loop in our minds. Secondly, when you label a thought as “challenging” you immediately create space between you and the thought – you become the observer.

If you want to up-level your thinking try watching the thought with compassion and curiosity. That’s when the real magic happens.

Thoughts are funny. They mean so much to us and yet they don’t need to mean anything at all. We decide to give one thought much more meaning than another (i.e., I’m not good enough vs. I love my effort), but who’s to really say the negative thought is true? The better question to ask is, “is this serving me?”.

Now I’m curious, what is one way you gain perspective when you need it the most? Share your most helpful tips. You never know who you might impact today 🙂

In wellness,

Susan

Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.

Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash

How To Live A Happier Life

A lot of people have told me how cheerful I seem to be, and they always ask, “how are you so happy?”.

Personally, I know that the word “happy” is very elusive. If you’ve been around on the blog much you know my belief that there is no such thing as being happy one hundred percent of the time. I believe life is 50/50. There will be the hard times and the good times, and that’s what life is supposed to be about. It is through these times that we grow and evolve and get to know ourselves at an even deeper level. It’s during these times we also get a better understanding of our preferences (what we like more of and what we don’t like more of), and what it means to be on this journey.

The better word that I like to use is optimism, or another way to put it is Thought Management. What is Thought Management? Thought Management is the ability to be mindful of the thoughts that are in our brain and constructively structure our thoughts to better serve us so that we subsequently feel better.

I have learned to be optimistic by managing my thoughts.

Continue reading to learn the core principles you must first understand, or you can jump to #3. Let’s get to it!

Core Principles:

Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story
Our brains are always focused on something
Thoughts create feelings
How you frame a thought or question is everything
Apply compassion

Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story

It’s been covered by anthropologists, scientists and philosophers, and they’ve all concluded humans love stories. We’ve existed and possibly survived due to stories.

According to an article in The New Yorker, “Gottschall’s encouraging thesis is that human beings are natural storytellers—that they can’t help telling stories, and that they turn things that aren’t really stories into stories because they like narratives so much.”

And here’s another piece by Wired, “Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature – a face, a figure, a flower – and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.”

Unfortunately, what was used as a way to survive and continue our expansion of growth as an early species, we now use to spin ourselves into a web of micro stories that simply keep our brains preoccupied at our own expense.

What was once used as instruction is now such a habituated pattern and behavior in our everyday lives that we can’t tell fact from story – and this causes a lot of drama.

For example, let’s say you go to a work function and you notice your boss talking to other people, but not you. The FACT of the evening is, you and your boss did not exchange words. But what’s the story you would tell yourself? What’s so interesting is that if you ask 100 people the same question there would be a wild number of variant responses. What are you supposed to believe is true? If there are 100 type of responses who’s to say your story is right? Could it be just another thought? If it is just a thought (and it is), why not choose another thought that better serves you?

In addition, as a society we have labeled and identified everything we see and have provided meaning as a way to make “sense” of the world in order to govern large bodies of people living together.

For example, we put someone’s face on a piece of paper and made sure they were the exact size, color, and print in order to call it money. And from there, we have created hundreds of micro stories to make “money” mean something. What’s fascinating is that to one person, their thought about money is they earn just enough to pay the bills and couldn’t be happier, while another person can never have enough money even though they make 10 times as much the first person. They each make money mean something differently by the stories they tell themselves. Who’s right? The fact is, it’s a piece of paper that society uses as a systematic way of governance. What do you make it mean to you?

Our brains are always focused on something

It’s true. Our brains are wired to solve problems. The key here is to be mindful of what thoughts you are feeding your brain and make sure you aren’t using negative affirmations, because remember, the unconscious only understands positive language. Thank God because who wants to be nagged all the time?

Let me explain. Let’s say you are training your child to ride a bicycle without the training wheels and you notice your child staring down at his feet instead of where s/he’s going, so you say, “Don’t stare at your feet!”. Wait another 30 seconds and watch what they do, not to mention how they might feel scolded instead of encouraged.

On the other hand, let’s say you say, “Good job kiddo! Keep looking at where you’re going!”.

What feels better? Which directive promotes more confidence?

Since our brains are constantly focused on something anyway, why not go about it in a more positive way?

Our brains are powerful machines. Give it something powerful to do for your life.

Thoughts create feelings

For those of you that skipped ahead this is the key to managing your thoughts.

Notice whenever you have an uncomfortable or negative emotion, the thought preceding the emotion is negative as well. The key here is to be mindful of what stories we tell ourselves and why we give the thought the meaning that it does.

Sounds simple but in the beginning this requires WORK.

When you understand that every feeling you ever have is caused by a thought (unconscious or conscious), you can begin to understand you are never NOT in control of any situation.

It’s never the situation that causes your emotions, it’s always the thought (story, meaning, etc.) you give it that causes you to feel a certain way.

How you frame a thought or question is everything

If thoughts create feelings then how you frame a thought or question is EVERYTHING.

Is life happening TO you or FOR you?

Is everything an opportunity or an obstacle?

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Is the rain a downer or a gift?

Apply compassion

At the end of the day we are all on a journey. Sometimes the journey takes us to the deepest crevices of the earth, and sometimes the journey takes us to the highest of peaks. No matter where you are, have compassion for yourself and others.

We’re all having the same human experience. Emotions are tough, but when we know we can get through any emotion through acceptance and compassion, that is where we begin to build our own personal power.

So am I happy 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Am I optimistic? I sure am.

Here’s to living a life with the right perceptual intelligence and using thought management to help us.

In wellness,

Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.

Photo by Kyle Loftus on Unsplash

Friday Focus – 6/8/18 {True Commitment}

“Modern psychology houses that when we start something and don’t complete it, or make a resolution and don’t keep it, we’re forming a habit of failure – absolute ignonimous failure.”

~Charles F. Haanel

Have you ever dreamed of something and knew in your heart of hearts, that no matter what, you would achieve or attain what was in your minds eye?

I’ll give you a personal and simple example. Back when I was in high school, I had transferred from Seoul, in the middle of 10th grade, to another high school in Tokyo. While I eventually came to love my experience, in the beginning I was anything but happy.

My life quickly fell into a spiral of depression from missing my closest friends back home. With absolutely nothing to do I started filling up my time with volunteer activities and joining literally every extracurricular activity my school offered.

Why did I do that? Well, the new goal that quickly formed in my mind was, “I’m going to get into the college of my choice”, because for me, going to college symbolized freedom and adulthood. Having all this free time gave me a way to transform all the stagnant, depressive energy into something useful and by the time that goal was cemented into my brain I knew there was no way around it.

That was my first experience with true commitment.

There was no other option. Nothing held a candle to my goal that would have had me choose my actions differently. It became simple in my minds eye; LIFE became simple because everything either helped my goal or didn’t help my goal.

And trust me, I failed a lot. I tried my hand at joining the JV volleyball team and boy did I seriously NOT make the cut! There were looks and possible thoughts of, “wow, she’s really trying out for this?”, but guess what? I didn’t even blink an eye. People’s opinion (which by the way we truly have no way of validating everyone’s opinion) ranked so low on my priority list toward true commitment that it wasn’t even a concept to consider or to take the time thinking about.

When we have true commitment towards a goal it also helps us to get to where we want to be FASTER. We don’t allow doubt to enter our minds. We don’t allow other shiny objects distract us from our vision. We see with picture perfect clarity what is important to us in order to achieve our dream.

Finding true commitment is a personal journey. No one can do this for you because only YOU know you. You know what makes yourself tick and gets you going. No one else can determine your dream and that’s the beauty of doing the work to getting to know our inner world.

True commitment also takes work. We need to find and break through limiting beliefs, but what I’ve also found is that when you truly find your true commitment, this new commitment often becomes your new anchoring belief, and this anchoring belief obliterates any limiting beliefs you might have had previously.

So, what dreams did you dream for 2018? If you haven’t started yet, or are struggling with start/stop mentality (this is when you find yourself starting and then stopping), what is the thought that is holding you back? Can you take the time to identify what your true commitment is for each of your dreams?

When you get good at commitment and following through on your own word, you also build confidence. You begin to understand that obstacles are just hurdles to overcome and nothing is unsolvable. And when you continue to do this, you begin to build personal resilience. And that my friend, is power.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Your Imagination: How Often Do You Use It?

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

~Albert Einstein

A little inspiration on this beautiful Monday morning!

Could we ever have imagined a life where letters would come from a screen? Where you can punch a few numbers and contact your mom in less than 2 seconds? Where you can see virtual pictures of anywhere in the world through a tiny screen in your hand? Where you can press a button and have whatever you want delivered to your doorstep in a few hours?

Our brains do such a good job of keeping a record of our capabilities based on past results, but it also does a good job of keeping you exactly where you are because it’s safe.

In the past, we needed to be safe. Safe from lions, safe from starvation, safe from blistering cold weather.

Now? Now we know better yet our brains haven’t evolved with our pre-frontal cortex.

So, how are YOU using your imagination to dream big? What NEW frontiers are you asking of yourself so that you can grow and evolve to a bigger, better version of you?

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Friday Focus – 5/18/18 {Managing Expectations}

When we give ourselves a moment to think about what we really want in our lives, we, for better or for worse, realize the imaginings of a perfect fairytale.

We want the perfect partner and loving relationship, we want a career that fulfills us, we want a beautiful home with perfect neighbors who become our best friends, we want to travel the world and have the most exciting foreign experiences, and so it goes on.

While desiring a certain level of success and growth of our own potential is perfectly normal, what gets us into trouble is with our expectations.

Typically when we think of these future focused desires what we aren’t thinking about is the reality of life:

The inevitable arguments and ups and downs of any intimate relationship that, if handled well, only strengthen the bond between two people
The nuances of what it means to work with other people as you are on the path of a fulfilling career
The renovations of an aging house
The airport delays and possibly even stomach flus we get while traveling to foreign countries

And the moment our expectations aren’t met we end up having a harder time managing our mind and the myriad if emotions that surface.

What if instead we understood life was 50/50? That when we come across the valley, we understand it will take time to cross it in order to get to the mountain top.

Instead of being surprised, angry, or frustrated when things don’t go your way, because hey, life right?, we are met with acceptance and understanding that sometimes things happen.

All of this is said so that when we manage our expectations we are allowing and living with more lightness in our lives. Less heaviness, yearning, grasping and more lightness.

Can you notice a subtle shift?

When looking back at your most recent disappointment, what was you expectation of the outcome? How did you manage your emotions and how can you use the 50/50 rule when it comes the future expectations?

So, here’s to managing our expectations and allowing more lightness into our lives.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Unsplash

The Secret

“Therefore the secret of all power, all achievement, and all possession depends upon our method of thinking.

This is true because we must be before we can do, and that we can do only to the extent which we are, and what we are depends upon what we think.”

~Charles F. Haanel

Our minds can lead us to the largest and unthinkable potential of ourselves or the exact opposite.

What thoughts are you thinking yourself towards today?

In mindful wellness,

Susan

Photo by Unsplash

Speak It Out Loud

Oftentimes we think through solutions, problems, worries, past/future events in our minds, but in doing so what we don’t realize is that we begin to ruminate and voice our thoughts (and God forbid our worst nightmares) in ways we would never talk to our family and friends.

A long time secret I’ve shared with as many people as I could is simple, yet effective – speak it out loud.

Say it out loud! Rationalize, debate, worry, do whatever it is you would typically “say” to yourself inside your head.

What you’ll quickly realize is:

You always speak to yourself in a more calm, soothing, objective way than you would inside your head
You begin to realize once you speak it aloud once, it’s typically rare you repeat yourself again and again. In you mind, it’s much too easy to think something over 100 times and get no where
You are solution oriented instead of repeating a problem over and over again
You speak to yourself you would a friend or family member
Things aren’t as bad when you bring your thoughts out into the open instead of inside your head

In a sense, you’ll quickly realize just how silly we can get in our heads.

Give it a shot and see how it feels.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash

Life is 50/50

If we understood that there are peaks and there are valleys, and that life is never always perfect, then we can simply allow the “bad” things to play it’s course throughout our lives.

Oftentimes, we suffer through the “bad” times because we assume life shouldn’t be so hard or that our current unhappiness is wrong.

But really, life is 50/50. If we can accept the fact that there will be good days and there will be bad days, it lessens our grip on the control we think we have over outside circumstances.

Further, it allows us to grow the inner peace we always have control over no matter what is going on outside of us.

Life is 50/50. How will you handle the 50 that makes you uncomfortable?

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Kees Streefkerk on Unsplash

Rapid Healing From Anything

With adrenal fatigue I mentioned that true, rapid healing came with letting go; with accepting the situation and beginning to notice all the joy that was present in my life. Another way to put it, to surrender to life and say aloud, “You know what? I don’t even care anymore. I’m going to live life with this and make the most of it anyway.”

Ironically, the moment I did that I started to heal. Or maybe… I began to see my life the way it already was – full of magic.

Recently I became reacquainted of this very principle and realized, whether it’s adrenal fatigue or any other situation that is causing immense discomfort in your life, this very act of surrendering is the very key to introducing rapid healing into your life.

No matter what you are going through, for one second, one breath, remember there are other things happening aside from whatever it is you spend 90% of your day thinking about and wishing could be different.

In that one breath you begin to notice the stillness. The joy. The little moments. The birds. The trees swaying with the rhythm of the wind. You begin to notice life is much MORE than that one thing we so wish to change. And that life was always filled with this magic – we were just too busy with our discomfort to notice.

When we take that moment and begin to notice life outside of the discomfort, we begin to allow for space. This space will prove to be your best friend because you realize the more you give into this space, the more freedom you have from the stickiness of just how real that discomfort it.

Now what I just implied can be interpreted as, “the discomfort isn’t real”, but what I’m trying to say is oftentimes, it is our thought or relationship to the discomfort that is causing the MOST pain.

Funny how our brains operate isn’t it? This is why I believe mindfulness and coaching is so important. Sanity is everything!

So, what does that one breath represent to you? What do you notice when you step back and notice the little things?

Here’s to more space and a better relationship with our discomfort.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Sarah Dorweiler on Unsplash

The Choice Is Yours

“In this moment at the window, I finally got it. If you want to become free or if you want to be bring more joy into your life, you must choose to change in certain ways. You must choose to learn about freedom. You must choose to learn about change. You must choose to change how you experience your problems. You must choose how you experience relationships. You must choose how you understand the universe. You must choose how you act, how you think, and how you live.”

~Owen Fitzpatrick

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Caique Silva on Unsplash

One way to gain perspective immediately when a certain situation is tough is to state out loud: “This thoughts is challenging”.

Never Miss an Announcement!

What was once used as instruction is now such a habituated pattern and behavior in our everyday lives that we can’t tell fact from story – and this causes a lot of drama.

When we have true commitment towards a goal it also helps us to get to where we want to be FASTER. We don’t allow doubt to enter our minds. We don’t allow other shiny objects distract us from our vision. We see with picture perfect clarity what is important to us in order to achieve our dream.

So, how are YOU using your imagination to dream big? What NEW frontiers are you asking of yourself so that you can grow and evolve to a bigger, better version of you?

Say it out loud! Rationalize, debate, worry, do whatever it is you would typically “say” to yourself inside your head.