Mindful Living Archives

Friday Focus – 6/8/18 {True Commitment}

“Modern psychology houses that when we start something and don’t complete it, or make a resolution and don’t keep it, we’re forming a habit of failure – absolute ignonimous failure.”

~Charles F. Haanel

Have you ever dreamed of something and knew in your heart of hearts, that no matter what, you would achieve or attain what was in your minds eye?

I’ll give you a personal and simple example. Back when I was in high school, I had transferred from Seoul, in the middle of 10th grade, to another high school in Tokyo. While I eventually came to love my experience, in the beginning I was anything but happy.

My life quickly fell into a spiral of depression from missing my closest friends back home. With absolutely nothing to do I started filling up my time with volunteer activities and joining literally every extracurricular activity my school offered.

Why did I do that? Well, the new goal that quickly formed in my mind was, “I’m going to get into the college of my choice”, because for me, going to college symbolized freedom and adulthood. Having all this free time gave me a way to transform all the stagnant, depressive energy into something useful and by the time that goal was cemented into my brain I knew there was no way around it.

That was my first experience with true commitment.

There was no other option. Nothing held a candle to my goal that would have had me choose my actions differently. It became simple in my minds eye; LIFE became simple because everything either helped my goal or didn’t help my goal.

And trust me, I failed a lot. I tried my hand at joining the JV volleyball team and boy did I seriously NOT make the cut! There were looks and possible thoughts of, “wow, she’s really trying out for this?”, but guess what? I didn’t even blink an eye. People’s opinion (which by the way we truly have no way of validating everyone’s opinion) ranked so low on my priority list toward true commitment that it wasn’t even a concept to consider or to take the time thinking about.

When we have true commitment towards a goal it also helps us to get to where we want to be FASTER. We don’t allow doubt to enter our minds. We don’t allow other shiny objects distract us from our vision. We see with picture perfect clarity what is important to us in order to achieve our dream.

Finding true commitment is a personal journey. No one can do this for you because only YOU know you. You know what makes yourself tick and gets you going. No one else can determine your dream and that’s the beauty of doing the work to getting to know our inner world.

True commitment also takes work. We need to find and break through limiting beliefs, but what I’ve also found is that when you truly find your true commitment, this new commitment often becomes your new anchoring belief, and this anchoring belief obliterates any limiting beliefs you might have had previously.

So, what dreams did you dream for 2018? If you haven’t started yet, or are struggling with start/stop mentality (this is when you find yourself starting and then stopping), what is the thought that is holding you back? Can you take the time to identify what your true commitment is for each of your dreams?

When you get good at commitment and following through on your own word, you also build confidence. You begin to understand that obstacles are just hurdles to overcome and nothing is unsolvable. And when you continue to do this, you begin to build personal resilience. And that my friend, is power.

In wellness,

Susan

Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Your World

Your world is as big as you make it.

I know, for I used to abide

In the narrowest nest in a corner.

My wings pressing close to my side.

But I signed the distant horizon

Where the skyline encircled the sea

And I throbbed with a burning desire

To travel this immensity.

I battered the cordons around me

And crafted by wings on the breeze.

Then soared to the uttermost reaches

With rapture, with power, with ease!

~Georgia Douglas Johnson

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Florian Biedermann on Unsplash

Managing Your Schedule Effectively

If you’re anything like me, you’re one of those type-A personalities that knows what needs to happen and when without even writing it down. While we may think this is a strength, and at times it totally is, there is a lot of mindfulness and insight that goes into writing it all out on a daily or weekly time-table.

The physical act of writing out ANYTHING- whether it’s your thoughts, your to-do’s, your goals – is magical. It allows your eyes to see and therefore your brain to register everything as finite as opposed to a looping cycle in your brain that seems never ending.

When we keep everything in our head it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Instead write it out.

What I absolutely love is have clients write their entire day out in chunks of time. It allows us to feel peace in knowing everything that we need to do as an important “slot” in your day (or week) and we don’t have to re-visit the thought again. Here’s an example:

6:30am – 7:00am – Brush teeth, Brew Coffee, Meditate
7:00am – 8:00am – Get Ready, Eat Breakfast
8:00 – 8:45am – Commute, Listen to Podcast, Call Mom
8:45am – 12:00am – Work (it’s also a great time to list any small to-do’s you might need to do during breaks such as calling the dentist to make an appointment, etc.)
12:00pm – 12:45pm – Lunch, Walk, Get Fresh Air
12:45pm – 1:00pm – To-Do list (again, anything that requires a quick phone call)
1:00pm – 5:00pm – Work
5:00pm – 5:30pm – Commute, Listen to Podcast or Meditation
5:30pm – 6:30pm – Exercise, Yoga, “You Time”
6:30pm – 7:00pm – Commute, Listen to Podcast or Meditation
7:00pm – 8:00pm – Dinner
8:00pm – 9:45pm – “You Time” (this can be time to learn something, read a book, take a bath, anything that energizes you and is restorative)

This is just a sample. Each day might be different and you should annotate those differences either on this list or a different list for that special day.

For example, if you’ll be working on a special project for yourself or your child (DIY, Child’s recital, etc.), make sure you have that written out, including any errands you might need to run for that special event so you aren’t thinking about it and ultimately spinning you out.

Trust me, this is a game changer and if you’ve done something similar to this before, you know what I’m talking about.

When you do this exercise notice how you feel more at peace and how there is so much more room in our minds to just BE.

With that said, I hope you take the time for yourself to do this exercise… it will be worth the peace of mind.

Here’s to managing our schedule so that we can effectively manage our thoughts.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Mid-Year Check In

Ok guys, summer is officially HERE. Wow does time fly!

As I mentioned in the last post, I wanted to take some time to do a mid-year check in with our goals.

How are you doing so far? Be honest here and truly reflect on what you had aimed for this year. In your assessment ask yourself:

What actionable steps have I taken toward each goal
Am I where I want to be at this point in the year?
Am I on track?
Have I been holding myself back and can I trace it back to a particular thought?
If so, what fears or irrational thoughts have I been entertaining?

Remember, our thoughts play the biggest role in how we go about our dreams and our own personal development. Now is a great time to see how your thoughts have been affecting your goals.

What are you choosing to believe? How are you directing your thoughts to serve you?

Put your brain to work! Come up with 5 new solutions for your goals that you can put your creative brain to work on. Here’s an example:

Instead of having thoughts such as, “I don’t think I’ll ever ask for that raise”
Try thinking thought such as:
- “How can I creatively think of solutions to this problem?”
- “I know I am capable, I am just working through the fear”
- “I haven’t asked yet, but I will and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be”
- “Dealing with the unknown might seem scary, but this is challenging and exciting at the same time”
- “If I’m open enough, I’m sure I will find other people or resources that can help encourage me”

The thought options are limitless! And can you see how re-framing your thought can suddenly change your entire perspective and shift your energy toward proclivity?

I promise it will be worth your time. Do the thought work and put your powerful brain toward positive use!

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Are You Using Negative Affirmations Without Knowing It?

Did you know that our brains only understand positive language? For example, when we say, “Don’t eat dessert today”, our brains only interpret, “~~Don’t~~ eat dessert today”.

When you look at the course of the day, how often do you think in negative affirmations vs. positive affirmations? It’s crazy to think we have the capability of thinking 60,000 THOUGHTS PER DAY. Yes, 60k!

Of the 60k are you managing your brain in a way so that you are directing it’s course? Are you mindful of the positive or negative thoughts you are generating?

Here are a few more examples of just how easy it is to use negative affirmations when we’re not aware of what we’re doing:

Don’t spill the drink
- Be careful with the drink
I won’t mess up on the next date
- I’m going to show up as my authentic self
Don’t forget to breathe during the presentation
- Focus on your breath
Don’t get mad
- I understand emotions only last 90 seconds if I allow myself to feel

Knowledge is power, and when we understand how our brains work we are better equipped to manage the direction of our thoughts.

Ask yourself, how can I re-phrase my thoughts so that they are USEFUL to me?

Exercise:

Get a piece of paper and create 5 huge bubbles on the page. These bubbles represent the 5 major thoughts a person has every day until it is solved, at which point a new bubble appears (because our brains are THAT good at problem solving).
Inside the bubbles write a word or phrase that represents the major thought and/or problem you find yourself constantly thinking about
Of the major thought and/or problem statement, re-write how you can now use positive affirmations vs. negative affirmations

Remember, our brains are ALWAYS at work. Give it something positive to work on and watch the magic unfold.

In brain wellness,

Susan

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Your Imagination: How Often Do You Use It?

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

~Albert Einstein

A little inspiration on this beautiful Monday morning!

Could we ever have imagined a life where letters would come from a screen? Where you can punch a few numbers and contact your mom in less than 2 seconds? Where you can see virtual pictures of anywhere in the world through a tiny screen in your hand? Where you can press a button and have whatever you want delivered to your doorstep in a few hours?

Our brains do such a good job of keeping a record of our capabilities based on past results, but it also does a good job of keeping you exactly where you are because it’s safe.

In the past, we needed to be safe. Safe from lions, safe from starvation, safe from blistering cold weather.

Now? Now we know better yet our brains haven’t evolved with our pre-frontal cortex.

So, how are YOU using your imagination to dream big? What NEW frontiers are you asking of yourself so that you can grow and evolve to a bigger, better version of you?

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Friday Focus – 5/25/18 {Taking Action}

Sometimes it’s hard to take action, especially when you don’t know what the future holds or how you even feel about which direction to go toward.

But I’ve learned time and time again, and coach this as well, that not taking action IS action – you’re just directing your energy the other way!

Oftentimes we let our perfectionism get in the way of taking action. We don’t want to mess up, or better yet, FAIL, because how horrible would that be?!

But guess what? Staying still doesn’t make it any better. Sometimes, we need to take one tiny, small step in order to gain a data point so that we have more information. And sometimes, we need to take a couple of steps in order to get better information.

It’s the only way we’ll ever know.

Besides, what we’re most afraid of isn’t necessarily what happens, what we’re afraid of is how we deal with what happens. It’s our thoughts and emotions about the situation that cause us suffering.

It can either be a learning experience or a time to shame ourselves. Which one will you choose? Because yes, our brains are that powerful to create both realities.

So, in what ways will you take that one, small step? How will you choose to think about this next goal of yours? Will it be an adventure or will it be something you have to do?

The choice is yours, always.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Deanna Ritchie on Unsplash

False Positives And Why They Aren’t Good Long Term

Have you ever taken action in order to feel better?

Whether it’s calling your co-worker as soon as you can to smooth over an argument, doing the thing you didn’t want to do because it would make things “easier” with the family, or here’s the clincher, buffering in the form of food, alcohol, or the internet in order to feel better instantly.

If you’ve ever been in any of these situations, and trust me, there isn’t a human in the world that hasn’t done this at least a few times, I’m here to tell you there’s a more effective and insightful way of truly making yourself feel better than taking action on a a false positive.

We call these actions a false positive because while you may feel better in that moment it doesn’t truly allow you to act from a place of true honor, and it only temporarily relieves you of your pain until the next situation comes up where you have to act again in order to not feel discomfort.

The reason why it’s so easy to act on false positives is because we instantly feel relief, and to our minds the pleasure of relief indicates that we should return to this pattern of behavior even though it doesn’t necessarily mean the action was justified.

Unfortunately, we are only playing defense with the false positives.

The more we act on false positives, the more tired we become in the long run because we are constantly in a reactive state.

What if instead we became friends with discomfort? Isn’t that why we act so fast on false positives? Because we want the discomfort to go away?

What if instead we got to know the discomfort and we got to understand why we feel the way we do, and that the reason we feel the way we do is because of an underlying belief that is causing our pain?

For example, you’re anxious about an upcoming presentation you have to give at work and thinking about the speech and all the ways in which your nervousness will show is making it unbearable. So you reach for the bag of cookies, and before you know it the entire bag is gone.

Or here’s another one, you get into a raging fight with your partner and can’t believe how angry your partner is when you know full well you seem to be “right” in this particular situation. You are fuming and find yourself pouring a glass of wine (again) in order to take the edge off.

You see, in both examples we turn to the false positive in order to feel better when really, what we need to do is face the discomfort of what we are feeling in order to understand what is REALLY going on.

In the example of the presentation, if we dig deep enough, that anxiety could really be masked as fear of rejection or acceptance, and that can hurt big time. In the second example, that anger can be a mask of feeling hurt, not seen, or unloved.

When we really get to understand what the discomfort is trying to tell us, we allow ourselves to truly honor the feeling we need to acknowledge and accept so that we can process in a healthy way and develop patterns and behaviors that serve us, not limit us.

By practicing this self awareness we can get to the real work and growth of our own emotional maturity so that when we experience life and its wide spectrum of situations with confidence in our abilities to handle ourselves wisely.

In mindful wellness,

Susan

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Friday Focus – 5/18/18 {Managing Expectations}

When we give ourselves a moment to think about what we really want in our lives, we, for better or for worse, realize the imaginings of a perfect fairytale.

We want the perfect partner and loving relationship, we want a career that fulfills us, we want a beautiful home with perfect neighbors who become our best friends, we want to travel the world and have the most exciting foreign experiences, and so it goes on.

While desiring a certain level of success and growth of our own potential is perfectly normal, what gets us into trouble is with our expectations.

Typically when we think of these future focused desires what we aren’t thinking about is the reality of life:

The inevitable arguments and ups and downs of any intimate relationship that, if handled well, only strengthen the bond between two people
The nuances of what it means to work with other people as you are on the path of a fulfilling career
The renovations of an aging house
The airport delays and possibly even stomach flus we get while traveling to foreign countries

And the moment our expectations aren’t met we end up having a harder time managing our mind and the myriad if emotions that surface.

What if instead we understood life was 50/50? That when we come across the valley, we understand it will take time to cross it in order to get to the mountain top.

Instead of being surprised, angry, or frustrated when things don’t go your way, because hey, life right?, we are met with acceptance and understanding that sometimes things happen.

All of this is said so that when we manage our expectations we are allowing and living with more lightness in our lives. Less heaviness, yearning, grasping and more lightness.

Can you notice a subtle shift?

When looking back at your most recent disappointment, what was you expectation of the outcome? How did you manage your emotions and how can you use the 50/50 rule when it comes the future expectations?

So, here’s to managing our expectations and allowing more lightness into our lives.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Unsplash

Speak It Out Loud

Oftentimes we think through solutions, problems, worries, past/future events in our minds, but in doing so what we don’t realize is that we begin to ruminate and voice our thoughts (and God forbid our worst nightmares) in ways we would never talk to our family and friends.

A long time secret I’ve shared with as many people as I could is simple, yet effective – speak it out loud.

Say it out loud! Rationalize, debate, worry, do whatever it is you would typically “say” to yourself inside your head.

What you’ll quickly realize is:

You always speak to yourself in a more calm, soothing, objective way than you would inside your head
You begin to realize once you speak it aloud once, it’s typically rare you repeat yourself again and again. In you mind, it’s much too easy to think something over 100 times and get no where
You are solution oriented instead of repeating a problem over and over again
You speak to yourself you would a friend or family member
Things aren’t as bad when you bring your thoughts out into the open instead of inside your head

In a sense, you’ll quickly realize just how silly we can get in our heads.

Give it a shot and see how it feels.

In wellness,

Susan

Photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash