Transformational Coaching
Oftentimes in our life we wonder what went wrong to be in a “barren” cycle of our life. But what if there was a gift through it all?
Watch this recent live as I share this one question you can ask yourself to begin creating more space in your life during this crucial season in your life.
In wellness,
Susan
In my practice I particularly enjoy working with clients who are experiencing adrenal fatigue or other auto-immune related illness. Why? Because I’ve been there myself. I understand what it took to full recovery and wish I knew the tools and thought management techniques I know now. Regardless, I am incredibly thankful to share what I know today.
What I notice happening a lot with people experiencing adrenal fatigue (or other related illness) is a three part phase:
The first phase is clear for anyone who suddenly understands the depth of their situation. It’s a time where you begin to question everything in your life and analyze what lifestyle patterns may have caused adrenal fatigue in the first place. Bottom line: give yourself a good cry. Don’t judge yourself for why you got here or panic about how you can change things. Let it be and give yourself compassion.
The second phase is a re-birth of sorts. You begin to track down some of the best doctors who can help you identify a path to recovery. It’s a time to learn more healthy lifestyle habits to incorporate and if there’s one piece of advice I give to anyone going through this now it’s this: don’t get overwhelmed about the plethora of information out there, this is the opposite of recovery. Trust the information will flow to you; trust the timing and don’t rush it.
The third phase is what I wanted to emphasize in today’s blog post. You see, how you manage your brain will be the KEY to whether or not you can mindfully continue through to maintenance phase or it will be the point it which you plateau completely or retreat back to phase one.
If we can’t manage our minds to begin with, we will have a much longer time recovering from adrenal fatigue. This is why understanding how your brain works and whether or not it is serving you will be key to achieving peace.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to understand whether or not you need to evaluate your current thought process:
If you answered yes to any of the above, chances are you would benefit from understanding why your brain works the way that it does, and how making tweaks to your own internal process can help provide more peace, joy, and personal power into your life.
You see in a nutshell, when you understand your brain and why you have certain thoughts you start to uncover limiting beliefs, habituated thought and behavioral patterns. With this recognition you can now do the work to understand your individual mental model that has been driving your actions until now.
After all, if you’re doing all the work to live a healthier, more mindful lifestyle why not work on the one thing that can help you manage stress to begin with?
Because the good news is it’s completely possible to optimize your very own internal world and THAT, is priceless.
In wellness,
Susan
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash
A lot of people have told me how cheerful I seem to be, and they always ask, “how are you so happy?”.
Personally, I know that the word “happy” is very elusive. If you’ve been around on the blog much you know my belief that there is no such thing as being happy one hundred percent of the time. I believe life is 50/50. There will be the hard times and the good times, and that’s what life is supposed to be about. It is through these times that we grow and evolve and get to know ourselves at an even deeper level. It’s during these times we also get a better understanding of our preferences (what we like more of and what we don’t like more of), and what it means to be on this journey.
The better word that I like to use is optimism, or another way to put it is Thought Management. What is Thought Management? Thought Management is the ability to be mindful of the thoughts that are in our brain and constructively structure our thoughts to better serve us so that we subsequently feel better.
I have learned to be optimistic by managing my thoughts.
Continue reading to learn the core principles you must first understand, or you can jump to #3. Let’s get to it!
Core Principles:
Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story
It’s been covered by anthropologists, scientists and philosophers, and they’ve all concluded humans love stories. We’ve existed and possibly survived due to stories.
According to an article in The New Yorker, “Gottschall’s encouraging thesis is that human beings are natural storytellers—that they can’t help telling stories, and that they turn things that aren’t really stories into stories because they like narratives so much.”
And here’s another piece by Wired, “Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature – a face, a figure, a flower – and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.”
Unfortunately, what was used as a way to survive and continue our expansion of growth as an early species, we now use to spin ourselves into a web of micro stories that simply keep our brains preoccupied at our own expense.
For example, let’s say you go to a work function and you notice your boss talking to other people, but not you. The FACT of the evening is, you and your boss did not exchange words. But what’s the story you would tell yourself? What’s so interesting is that if you ask 100 people the same question there would be a wild number of variant responses. What are you supposed to believe is true? If there are 100 type of responses who’s to say your story is right? Could it be just another thought? If it is just a thought (and it is), why not choose another thought that better serves you?
In addition, as a society we have labeled and identified everything we see and have provided meaning as a way to make “sense” of the world in order to govern large bodies of people living together.
For example, we put someone’s face on a piece of paper and made sure they were the exact size, color, and print in order to call it money. And from there, we have created hundreds of micro stories to make “money” mean something. What’s fascinating is that to one person, their thought about money is they earn just enough to pay the bills and couldn’t be happier, while another person can never have enough money even though they make 10 times as much the first person. They each make money mean something differently by the stories they tell themselves. Who’s right? The fact is, it’s a piece of paper that society uses as a systematic way of governance. What do you make it mean to you?
Our brains are always focused on something
It’s true. Our brains are wired to solve problems. The key here is to be mindful of what thoughts you are feeding your brain and make sure you aren’t using negative affirmations, because remember, the unconscious only understands positive language. Thank God because who wants to be nagged all the time?
Let me explain. Let’s say you are training your child to ride a bicycle without the training wheels and you notice your child staring down at his feet instead of where s/he’s going, so you say, “Don’t stare at your feet!”. Wait another 30 seconds and watch what they do, not to mention how they might feel scolded instead of encouraged.
On the other hand, let’s say you say, “Good job kiddo! Keep looking at where you’re going!”.
What feels better? Which directive promotes more confidence?
Since our brains are constantly focused on something anyway, why not go about it in a more positive way?
Our brains are powerful machines. Give it something powerful to do for your life.
Thoughts create feelings
For those of you that skipped ahead this is the key to managing your thoughts.
Notice whenever you have an uncomfortable or negative emotion, the thought preceding the emotion is negative as well. The key here is to be mindful of what stories we tell ourselves and why we give the thought the meaning that it does.
Sounds simple but in the beginning this requires WORK.
When you understand that every feeling you ever have is caused by a thought (unconscious or conscious), you can begin to understand you are never NOT in control of any situation.
It’s never the situation that causes your emotions, it’s always the thought (story, meaning, etc.) you give it that causes you to feel a certain way.
How you frame a thought or question is everything
If thoughts create feelings then how you frame a thought or question is EVERYTHING.
Is life happening TO you or FOR you?
Is everything an opportunity or an obstacle?
Is the glass half empty or half full?
Is the rain a downer or a gift?
Apply compassion
At the end of the day we are all on a journey. Sometimes the journey takes us to the deepest crevices of the earth, and sometimes the journey takes us to the highest of peaks. No matter where you are, have compassion for yourself and others.
We’re all having the same human experience. Emotions are tough, but when we know we can get through any emotion through acceptance and compassion, that is where we begin to build our own personal power.
So am I happy 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Am I optimistic? I sure am.
Here’s to living a life with the right perceptual intelligence and using thought management to help us.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Kyle Loftus on Unsplash
Are you the type of person that typically visualizes the negative outcome first? And then you wonder in a very frustrated way, “why the heck do I do that and drive myself crazy?!”.
First, give yourself compassion. There must have been a reason for your deeper more primitive self to visualize negative outcomes as a way to protect yourself.
Second, every time you do this just become aware of what your mind visualized. Oftentimes we come down hard on ourselves for doing something and we don’t reward our self for recognizing the very act itself which is an important step in grooving a new, more positive neural pathway towards mindfulness.
Third, recognize there are numerous outcomes. And in the numerous outcomes recognize which you tend to gravitate toward and ask yourself, “Does it always come true?”.
Most often than not it never does.
And in following these steps, realizing your tendency should bring you huge relief, because that’s all it is – a tendency that never comes true!
Now, to get more technical, understand how your brain projects the image or feeling. Notice if there are any sounds or voices; and notice which part of your brain they come from. Is the image always projected in the same place? Is the image in color? Are you in the image? Where are the sensations in your body?
Whenever you visualize negative outcomes, you are always projecting them from a certain place in your mind, and this is because you’ve created that neural pathway. Again, this should bring you huge relief because for the most part, that’s all it is – a neural pathway that you’ve created by repeating an action over and over again.
Fortunately, with NLP you can change the projection when it happens. Shrink the image, lower the volume, throw it out into the Universe! Use your same powerful mind that created the image to counteract the image.
If you’re the type of person that visualizes negative outcomes first I’m here to tell you it’s ok. You’re not alone and it’s not a problem with you or your brain. It’s just a matter of repeated actions, and the very same (powerful) mind that is creating the negative visualization can create an equally more logical visualization.
In wellness,
Susan
Photo by SHINE TANG on Unsplash
Have you noticed the latest and hottest trend for the past few years has been how we can take care of our bodies? From the trendiest diet, lifestyle hacks, to exotic supplements that are guaranteed to have you performing like you’re 25 years old again, there’s an expert in every field promising a solution for any ailment you’ve ever experienced.
We’ve heard over and over again how important it is to exercise our body. To start lifting weights in order to prevent osteoperosis as we age, or to take tumeric so that we can decrease inflammation in the body, the list is endless!
But how about our minds? Our minds are the driving force behind how we function and why we’d want to function at all. It’s the one thing we rely on and most often, we rely on it without questioning – it’s on autopilot.
If we really understood the implications of autopilot, we’d want to recognize the importance of exercising our brain, our mind.
For reasons that are far better explained on the internet, we’ve survived millions of years due to one thing – looking out for danger. And unfortunately, while our basic needs are met, our brains have become so adapted to protecting us it’s the first thing that enters our mind. And in so doing we’ve allowed other, not so positive ways, to also enter our mind – comparing, judging, labeling, etc.
Our brains are wired to think and analyze because it wants to protect us. However, we live in different times! It’s time to recognize our thoughts as thoughts and most all of the time our brains have been habituated into thinking the same thoughts every day, all day – autopilot at work in its finest form.
If you’ve meditated for a while you know exactly what this means. You’re able to notice “Thought A” at it’s 50th time and not follow the story down another rabbit hole. You’re able to notice “Thought D” and see its very beginning stages of cycling up to “Thought A” status.
Which is why we must exercise our brains. Meditation is the most powerful tool out there. Coaching is another powerful tool in order to physically hear yourself talk and have that gentle reminder and support, verbally talking to yourself as if you’re a best friend is another powerful way in which you can get out of your head, automatic writing and burning the paper is another physical and visual way of getting it “out of your system”.
Little emphasis is spent on actually doing the work. Our minds cannot be controlled by a pill or a one-stop shop magical experience on psychedelics, and while this might help, our minds, just like our bodies, NEED TO DO THE WORK. It needs the daily exercise so that it doesn’t go off forming neural pathways in your brain that doesn’t serve your highest good.
So, what tools and techniques work best for you? What thoughts have run through your mind already this morning? Can you notice repetitive thoughts? And how do these repetitive thoughts make you feel? Do you see the causal effects?
We already know our brains, our minds, are powerful. In recognizing this we should treat our brains just as well as our bodies.
And don’t forget, this is a life long practice. Let’s do the exercise together in loving compassion for ourselves and others.
In wellness,
Susan
Photo by Avrielle Suleiman on Unsplash
We all have heard the phrase, what you focus on expands. But really, have you noticed the true effects of this phenomenon?
For example, you eat dinner alone because your partner has a work event. It wasn’t as fun or even satiating, and as you begin washing the dishes all you can think about is, “Well I ate dinner but it wasn’t that good, in fact, it didn’t even feel like a real dinner!”, and as you continue to wash the dishes you find yourself in a not so positive state. Funny thing is, if you keep focusing on that all you’ll end up doing is munching on one snack after another thinking it will satisfy you but oftentimes than not it never does!
Instead, what if you focused on thoughts that elevate you? “I have all this free time maybe I’ll take a bubble bath and light some candles” or “I think I’ll make some hot cocoa and finally pick up that book I’ve been meaning to read!”.
Notice the difference?
All of a sudden the food was just energy your body needed and you can now focus on what makes you feel good!
It’s all about focus.
Here’s another example. Let’s say you’re in the dating scene and It’s been one mismatch after another. Instead of focusing on that, what if you focused on the fact that one day this adventure will lead to a significant life partner (and a couple of funny stories to tell too!)
So remember, what you focus on is what you’re going to get. After all, there must have been a reason you stumbled upon this website and made it to the end of this post am I right?
Focus on the transformation; focus on the good just a little bit more and watch the magic unfold.
“By taking just a few extra seconds to stay with a positive experience—even the comfort in a single breath—you’ll help turn a passing mental state into lasting neural structure.”
~Rick Hanson
In wellness,
Susan
Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash