Transformational Coaching
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
We’ve all done it before whether we want to admit it or not – people pleasing. Likely it comes from a deep primitive yearning for survival; after all, if you weren’t seen as part of the pack, you didn’t belong to the community and that meant you needed to fend for yourself – food, shelter, love, and all.
However, when we cultivate our own intrinsic worth there’s no need to people please because we already know what we like, don’t like, and what our boundaries are. Suddenly agreeing to something you don’t want to do, or feeling the need to apologize all the time falls out the window.
So, what are the signs of people pleasing?
Ask yourself the questions under each of the headers above and answer truthfully. You will find it all comes down to rejection, fear, and the need to feel accepted.
But what if you could give the very thing you need to yourself instead of looking for it outside of you?
Once you realize there’s a shorter, more pain free way to acceptance, you will begin to live a life full of freedom and choice. Oh, and a lot more time 😉
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Now that you know how Thought Management works at a high level and you understand just how powerful our brains are, you need to put it all into practice. This means getting to know your inner world – A LOT.
Warning: there will be those times when a situation seems extra sticky.
First, by speaking it out loud we aren’t creating a running loop in our minds. Secondly, when you label a thought as “challenging” you immediately create space between you and the thought – you become the observer.
If you want to up-level your thinking try watching the thought with compassion and curiosity. That’s when the real magic happens.
Thoughts are funny. They mean so much to us and yet they don’t need to mean anything at all. We decide to give one thought much more meaning than another (i.e., I’m not good enough vs. I love my effort), but who’s to really say the negative thought is true? The better question to ask is, “is this serving me?”.
Now I’m curious, what is one way you gain perspective when you need it the most? Share your most helpful tips. You never know who you might impact today 🙂
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.”
~Mark Twain
Do it guys. Go for what scares you the most and never look back. The worst thing that can happen is you face your own emotions – good or bad. It’s never about what happens, it always about what you make it mean inside your own brain.
In wellness and love,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Did you know that everything we do is creative? That we are creative in nature and creation itself?
Our brains are constantly creating whether we know it or not. Whether it’s thinking, doing, or working physically to keep our bodies going.., we are in motion all the time.
Just as we are creative we were given the power of free will. We are in control 100% of the time and it all starts with a thought. What do you choose to believe?
In mindfulness practice we learn we are the observer of our thoughts and not the thoughts we are thinking. We also learn we are so good at creating stories we actually believe them.
When we start to get good at being the watcher we begin to create separation between self and thought, and when we do this, we begin to understand we are not our thoughts at all. Pause a minute because that’s HUGE.
Our brains are smart. And it’s efficient. It will always be working on something, and because it’s efficient it will always work on what is easiest and safest. It’s what are primitive brains grew up knowing in order to survive.
But once we realize our thoughts and behaviors are mostly habituated patterns we can take back the power and start to reinstate new thoughts and behaviors that serve who we are today.
Just as it was easy for your brain to operate at a certain level, you need to put in the work and create a new neural pathway for your new level of operation. Think of it as a software upgrade for your computer, except this time, it’s for your brain.
The way in which we do this is actual practice. Thinking the new thought, following through on new actions, and committing to it all. After all, your commitment to think old thoughts and act in old ways is what got you the results you have today right?
Remember, our brains are creative machines and the power is in YOUR hands. Here’s to new ways of living.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash
A lot of people have told me how cheerful I seem to be, and they always ask, “how are you so happy?”.
Personally, I know that the word “happy” is very elusive. If you’ve been around on the blog much you know my belief that there is no such thing as being happy one hundred percent of the time. I believe life is 50/50. There will be the hard times and the good times, and that’s what life is supposed to be about. It is through these times that we grow and evolve and get to know ourselves at an even deeper level. It’s during these times we also get a better understanding of our preferences (what we like more of and what we don’t like more of), and what it means to be on this journey.
The better word that I like to use is optimism, or another way to put it is Thought Management. What is Thought Management? Thought Management is the ability to be mindful of the thoughts that are in our brain and constructively structure our thoughts to better serve us so that we subsequently feel better.
I have learned to be optimistic by managing my thoughts.
Continue reading to learn the core principles you must first understand, or you can jump to #3. Let’s get to it!
Core Principles:
Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story
It’s been covered by anthropologists, scientists and philosophers, and they’ve all concluded humans love stories. We’ve existed and possibly survived due to stories.
According to an article in The New Yorker, “Gottschall’s encouraging thesis is that human beings are natural storytellers—that they can’t help telling stories, and that they turn things that aren’t really stories into stories because they like narratives so much.”
And here’s another piece by Wired, “Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature – a face, a figure, a flower – and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.”
Unfortunately, what was used as a way to survive and continue our expansion of growth as an early species, we now use to spin ourselves into a web of micro stories that simply keep our brains preoccupied at our own expense.
For example, let’s say you go to a work function and you notice your boss talking to other people, but not you. The FACT of the evening is, you and your boss did not exchange words. But what’s the story you would tell yourself? What’s so interesting is that if you ask 100 people the same question there would be a wild number of variant responses. What are you supposed to believe is true? If there are 100 type of responses who’s to say your story is right? Could it be just another thought? If it is just a thought (and it is), why not choose another thought that better serves you?
In addition, as a society we have labeled and identified everything we see and have provided meaning as a way to make “sense” of the world in order to govern large bodies of people living together.
For example, we put someone’s face on a piece of paper and made sure they were the exact size, color, and print in order to call it money. And from there, we have created hundreds of micro stories to make “money” mean something. What’s fascinating is that to one person, their thought about money is they earn just enough to pay the bills and couldn’t be happier, while another person can never have enough money even though they make 10 times as much the first person. They each make money mean something differently by the stories they tell themselves. Who’s right? The fact is, it’s a piece of paper that society uses as a systematic way of governance. What do you make it mean to you?
Our brains are always focused on something
It’s true. Our brains are wired to solve problems. The key here is to be mindful of what thoughts you are feeding your brain and make sure you aren’t using negative affirmations, because remember, the unconscious only understands positive language. Thank God because who wants to be nagged all the time?
Let me explain. Let’s say you are training your child to ride a bicycle without the training wheels and you notice your child staring down at his feet instead of where s/he’s going, so you say, “Don’t stare at your feet!”. Wait another 30 seconds and watch what they do, not to mention how they might feel scolded instead of encouraged.
On the other hand, let’s say you say, “Good job kiddo! Keep looking at where you’re going!”.
What feels better? Which directive promotes more confidence?
Since our brains are constantly focused on something anyway, why not go about it in a more positive way?
Our brains are powerful machines. Give it something powerful to do for your life.
Thoughts create feelings
For those of you that skipped ahead this is the key to managing your thoughts.
Notice whenever you have an uncomfortable or negative emotion, the thought preceding the emotion is negative as well. The key here is to be mindful of what stories we tell ourselves and why we give the thought the meaning that it does.
Sounds simple but in the beginning this requires WORK.
When you understand that every feeling you ever have is caused by a thought (unconscious or conscious), you can begin to understand you are never NOT in control of any situation.
It’s never the situation that causes your emotions, it’s always the thought (story, meaning, etc.) you give it that causes you to feel a certain way.
How you frame a thought or question is everything
If thoughts create feelings then how you frame a thought or question is EVERYTHING.
Is life happening TO you or FOR you?
Is everything an opportunity or an obstacle?
Is the glass half empty or half full?
Is the rain a downer or a gift?
Apply compassion
At the end of the day we are all on a journey. Sometimes the journey takes us to the deepest crevices of the earth, and sometimes the journey takes us to the highest of peaks. No matter where you are, have compassion for yourself and others.
We’re all having the same human experience. Emotions are tough, but when we know we can get through any emotion through acceptance and compassion, that is where we begin to build our own personal power.
So am I happy 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Am I optimistic? I sure am.
Here’s to living a life with the right perceptual intelligence and using thought management to help us.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Kyle Loftus on Unsplash
“Modern psychology houses that when we start something and don’t complete it, or make a resolution and don’t keep it, we’re forming a habit of failure – absolute ignonimous failure.”
~Charles F. Haanel
Have you ever dreamed of something and knew in your heart of hearts, that no matter what, you would achieve or attain what was in your minds eye?
I’ll give you a personal and simple example. Back when I was in high school, I had transferred from Seoul, in the middle of 10th grade, to another high school in Tokyo. While I eventually came to love my experience, in the beginning I was anything but happy.
My life quickly fell into a spiral of depression from missing my closest friends back home. With absolutely nothing to do I started filling up my time with volunteer activities and joining literally every extracurricular activity my school offered.
Why did I do that? Well, the new goal that quickly formed in my mind was, “I’m going to get into the college of my choice”, because for me, going to college symbolized freedom and adulthood. Having all this free time gave me a way to transform all the stagnant, depressive energy into something useful and by the time that goal was cemented into my brain I knew there was no way around it.
That was my first experience with true commitment.
There was no other option. Nothing held a candle to my goal that would have had me choose my actions differently. It became simple in my minds eye; LIFE became simple because everything either helped my goal or didn’t help my goal.
And trust me, I failed a lot. I tried my hand at joining the JV volleyball team and boy did I seriously NOT make the cut! There were looks and possible thoughts of, “wow, she’s really trying out for this?”, but guess what? I didn’t even blink an eye. People’s opinion (which by the way we truly have no way of validating everyone’s opinion) ranked so low on my priority list toward true commitment that it wasn’t even a concept to consider or to take the time thinking about.
Finding true commitment is a personal journey. No one can do this for you because only YOU know you. You know what makes yourself tick and gets you going. No one else can determine your dream and that’s the beauty of doing the work to getting to know our inner world.
True commitment also takes work. We need to find and break through limiting beliefs, but what I’ve also found is that when you truly find your true commitment, this new commitment often becomes your new anchoring belief, and this anchoring belief obliterates any limiting beliefs you might have had previously.
So, what dreams did you dream for 2018? If you haven’t started yet, or are struggling with start/stop mentality (this is when you find yourself starting and then stopping), what is the thought that is holding you back? Can you take the time to identify what your true commitment is for each of your dreams?
When you get good at commitment and following through on your own word, you also build confidence. You begin to understand that obstacles are just hurdles to overcome and nothing is unsolvable. And when you continue to do this, you begin to build personal resilience. And that my friend, is power.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash
~Georgia Douglas Johnson
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Florian Biedermann on Unsplash
If you’re anything like me, you’re one of those type-A personalities that knows what needs to happen and when without even writing it down. While we may think this is a strength, and at times it totally is, there is a lot of mindfulness and insight that goes into writing it all out on a daily or weekly time-table.
When we keep everything in our head it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Instead write it out.
What I absolutely love is have clients write their entire day out in chunks of time. It allows us to feel peace in knowing everything that we need to do as an important “slot” in your day (or week) and we don’t have to re-visit the thought again. Here’s an example:
This is just a sample. Each day might be different and you should annotate those differences either on this list or a different list for that special day.
For example, if you’ll be working on a special project for yourself or your child (DIY, Child’s recital, etc.), make sure you have that written out, including any errands you might need to run for that special event so you aren’t thinking about it and ultimately spinning you out.
Trust me, this is a game changer and if you’ve done something similar to this before, you know what I’m talking about.
When you do this exercise notice how you feel more at peace and how there is so much more room in our minds to just BE.
With that said, I hope you take the time for yourself to do this exercise… it will be worth the peace of mind.
Here’s to managing our schedule so that we can effectively manage our thoughts.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Ok guys, summer is officially HERE. Wow does time fly!
As I mentioned in the last post, I wanted to take some time to do a mid-year check in with our goals.
How are you doing so far? Be honest here and truly reflect on what you had aimed for this year. In your assessment ask yourself:
Remember, our thoughts play the biggest role in how we go about our dreams and our own personal development. Now is a great time to see how your thoughts have been affecting your goals.
What are you choosing to believe? How are you directing your thoughts to serve you?
Put your brain to work! Come up with 5 new solutions for your goals that you can put your creative brain to work on. Here’s an example:
The thought options are limitless! And can you see how re-framing your thought can suddenly change your entire perspective and shift your energy toward proclivity?
I promise it will be worth your time. Do the thought work and put your powerful brain toward positive use!
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash