A lot of people have told me how cheerful I seem to be, and they always ask, “how are you so happy?”.
Personally, I know that the word “happy” is very elusive. If you’ve been around on the blog much you know my belief that there is no such thing as being happy one hundred percent of the time. I believe life is 50/50. There will be the hard times and the good times, and that’s what life is supposed to be about. It is through these times that we grow and evolve and get to know ourselves at an even deeper level. It’s during these times we also get a better understanding of our preferences (what we like more of and what we don’t like more of), and what it means to be on this journey.
The better word that I like to use is optimism, or another way to put it is Thought Management. What is Thought Management? Thought Management is the ability to be mindful of the thoughts that are in our brain and constructively structure our thoughts to better serve us so that we subsequently feel better.
I have learned to be optimistic by managing my thoughts.
Continue reading to learn the core principles you must first understand, or you can jump to #3. Let’s get to it!
Core Principles:
- Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story
- Our brains are always focused on something
- Thoughts create feelings
- How you frame a thought or question is everything
- Apply compassion
Humans love stories and we’ve learned to make EVERYTHING a story
It’s been covered by anthropologists, scientists and philosophers, and they’ve all concluded humans love stories. We’ve existed and possibly survived due to stories.
According to an article in The New Yorker, “Gottschall’s encouraging thesis is that human beings are natural storytellers—that they can’t help telling stories, and that they turn things that aren’t really stories into stories because they like narratives so much.”
And here’s another piece by Wired, “Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature – a face, a figure, a flower – and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.”
Unfortunately, what was used as a way to survive and continue our expansion of growth as an early species, we now use to spin ourselves into a web of micro stories that simply keep our brains preoccupied at our own expense.
What was once used as instruction is now such a habituated pattern and behavior in our everyday lives that we can’t tell fact from story – and this causes a lot of drama.
For example, let’s say you go to a work function and you notice your boss talking to other people, but not you. The FACT of the evening is, you and your boss did not exchange words. But what’s the story you would tell yourself? What’s so interesting is that if you ask 100 people the same question there would be a wild number of variant responses. What are you supposed to believe is true? If there are 100 type of responses who’s to say your story is right? Could it be just another thought? If it is just a thought (and it is), why not choose another thought that better serves you?
In addition, as a society we have labeled and identified everything we see and have provided meaning as a way to make “sense” of the world in order to govern large bodies of people living together.
For example, we put someone’s face on a piece of paper and made sure they were the exact size, color, and print in order to call it money. And from there, we have created hundreds of micro stories to make “money” mean something. What’s fascinating is that to one person, their thought about money is they earn just enough to pay the bills and couldn’t be happier, while another person can never have enough money even though they make 10 times as much the first person. They each make money mean something differently by the stories they tell themselves. Who’s right? The fact is, it’s a piece of paper that society uses as a systematic way of governance. What do you make it mean to you?
Our brains are always focused on something
It’s true. Our brains are wired to solve problems. The key here is to be mindful of what thoughts you are feeding your brain and make sure you aren’t using negative affirmations, because remember, the unconscious only understands positive language. Thank God because who wants to be nagged all the time?
Let me explain. Let’s say you are training your child to ride a bicycle without the training wheels and you notice your child staring down at his feet instead of where s/he’s going, so you say, “Don’t stare at your feet!”. Wait another 30 seconds and watch what they do, not to mention how they might feel scolded instead of encouraged.
On the other hand, let’s say you say, “Good job kiddo! Keep looking at where you’re going!”.
What feels better? Which directive promotes more confidence?
Since our brains are constantly focused on something anyway, why not go about it in a more positive way?
Our brains are powerful machines. Give it something powerful to do for your life.
Thoughts create feelings
For those of you that skipped ahead this is the key to managing your thoughts.
Notice whenever you have an uncomfortable or negative emotion, the thought preceding the emotion is negative as well. The key here is to be mindful of what stories we tell ourselves and why we give the thought the meaning that it does.
Sounds simple but in the beginning this requires WORK.
When you understand that every feeling you ever have is caused by a thought (unconscious or conscious), you can begin to understand you are never NOT in control of any situation.
It’s never the situation that causes your emotions, it’s always the thought (story, meaning, etc.) you give it that causes you to feel a certain way.
How you frame a thought or question is everything
If thoughts create feelings then how you frame a thought or question is EVERYTHING.
Is life happening TO you or FOR you?
Is everything an opportunity or an obstacle?
Is the glass half empty or half full?
Is the rain a downer or a gift?
Apply compassion
At the end of the day we are all on a journey. Sometimes the journey takes us to the deepest crevices of the earth, and sometimes the journey takes us to the highest of peaks. No matter where you are, have compassion for yourself and others.
We’re all having the same human experience. Emotions are tough, but when we know we can get through any emotion through acceptance and compassion, that is where we begin to build our own personal power.
So am I happy 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Am I optimistic? I sure am.
Here’s to living a life with the right perceptual intelligence and using thought management to help us.
In wellness,
Susan
Susan is a Life Coach based in Seattle, WA. Her main focus is to coach people build a strong emotional container so that we can experience the fullness of life coming from a place of deep confidence. Susan also coaches clients looking to heal adrenal fatigue by using a mental meta-model aimed at breaking down old mental patterns and behaviors so that we can finally tap into our own personal power.
Photo by Kyle Loftus on Unsplash
